After surviving 5 months without catching bugs from my patients, this doctor is officially sick. I can taste my swollen tonsils in my throat, my head is pounding as my body alternates from hot-cold shivers. Downed some paracetamol but it didnt really do the trick. And with a weekend oncall looming, I cant really afford to be sick. Woke up early for work today feeling completely and honestly ill, but as I was ward cover today, I manned up and went into work anyway. Busyness somewhat masked the symptoms but as I clocked out, my tonsils were pulsating to my ears and head. My eyes are swollen, and I feel weak.
It is hard for a doctor to be sick. Your patients depend on you. And more importantly, your colleagues depend on you. One doctor down could mean an extra two hour wait in A&E or leaving a ward manned by only one junior doctor. So one just cant take sick days lightly.
On one of my weekend shifts, a junior doctor called in sick. It was discussed over handover of how doctors nowadays are unable to persevere through mild illnesses to do their job. They were basically looking down on the ill doctor because him being ill meant more work for the rest of us. Somehow the common thought in the room was “How can he be so selfish?” Which is honestly sad and appalling.
It made me realise that we show more empathy to our patients, than we do ourselves or our colleagues. Which is a shame, because no one understands doctors better than doctors. But on the other side, it is also hard to be empathetic when you are exhausted - a senior doctor had to work 24 hours last weekend because the person who was meant to take over from her was too sick to work.
So now, I have two choices - either power through and persevere which may probably cost me my oncall weekend. Or relent, wave the white flag and admit that this sickness requires rest and recuperation. This time I (still guiltily) choose the latter.
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