139: 10.2 Fangirling

Today I finished my first book of 2018. I started the year with a fiction book by Ali Smith that I have still yet to finish. But around last week, A got me The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande and I sort of abandoned efforts with the former book to devour this instead. It is a little disappointing that I have only finished reading one book thus far, but hopefully I'll keep myself on track from now on. This is my second book by Gawande that I have read - needless to say, I have a big literary crush on him. His observations on the world are thought provoking and the way he writes is expressive and also very much to the point. He brings readers on a journey, and although he primarily addresses issues in the medical world (as he himself is a surgeon), he broadens the scope of the subjects discussed across different professions; making his books relatable to everybody.

In one of his interviews he mentioned why he wrote. He showed his journals in which he has written entries over many years. He said he writes because it helps him think - it helps him break down problems and navigate his though processes. That statement makes him so relatable, because I too think better in writing than in any other form of communication like talking or drawing. After putting down the book today, I was in a state of awe. I just had to google him. So I did and I found out that he majored in science and politics in Stanford, then went to Oxford to pursue a Masters in PPE. Then he went to Harvard where he studied medicine and finished a Masters in Public Health. He started writing as a surgical resident for an online magazine which caught the attention of The New Yorker. And I guess from there, his literary career took off. And if thats not enough, he was also one of the main figures who designed and disseminated the WHO surgical checklist which is now being used in operating theatres worldwide. He is a surgeon, public health expert and writer - I cant be a bigger fangirl. At this point, I just want to achieve what he has achieved in his professional career.

Throughout the years, I have admired many from afar. Priscilla Chan and Paul Farmer to name a few. I have too idolised people who were somewhat in closer proximity to myself. As a wide eyed high school student, I used to greatly look up to this one person in particular. Lets call her Janet. I tried my best to emulate her in efforts to achieve what she had achieved in the scholarly sense. I admired her mannerism, her writing and her appreciation for culture. Back then I didn't just like her, I wanted to be her.

But on a recent encounter, unfortunately she didn't match up to the person I observed from afar. Janet was brash, inpatient and a little rude. She wasn't warm nor was she friendly. I left that meeting utterly disappointed. Maybe its partly my fault for building an untrue perfect version of Janet in my head that no one could have matched up to. I do still admire her for what she has achieved, but the stark reality of her personality did shatter my perceptions of her, and suddenly I did not want to be her anymore.

Probably now thats why I have opted for people who are unreachable, so to not be disappointed again. I would most probably never meet Gawande in my life, and in a way I feel safer because of it. And his achievements are way too lofty a goal for me anyway. Maybe someday (inshaAllah) I would achieve half of what he has professionally and Ill most probably call it a day. But it is also reassuring to think that all these greats did start where I am right now. From ground zero. And excitingly, the only way is up from here!