142: 13.2 Focus (and lack thereof)

I am grateful that there is a lot of teaching involved in my foundation training as a doctor. Many of these teaching sessions happen through formal lectures, but with the advent of technology, as trainees, we are expected to complete a lot of learning modules online. After a long luxurious 4 hour nap, I decided to complete some of these mandatory modules tonight - dedicating about 2 hours to its laborious tasks which included pre and post module tests.

At the beginning, I was overwhelmed at how many modules that I have to complete by a quickly looming deadline. What do you mean there are 20 modules? On top of this, I unfortunately still have to prepare for my theory driving test too. After completing about three quite technical modules that involved graphs of pharmacology and remembering what how receptors work, I fished out the email detailing what modules we actually have to complete from our programme lead.

To my utter dismay, the three modules that I have worked on tonight were not actually compulsory. I had unknowingly spent 2 hours in my evening after work voluntarily completing modules that I didn't have to complete. Really felt like hitting myself as this is such a rookie mistake: Always read the bloody instruction, Ayne. Although I think that I do better answering given questions in exams, without the pressure of getting it right in everyday life, I find myself going off in tangents quite a bit - especially when asked questions in conversation.

My previous flatmates would attest to how annoyed I get when having gone so off topic, I can't really remember what the original question or idea was. Maybe its the lack of focus I have in avoiding mind distractions. Or maybe the lack of discipline, but my thoughts often wander to far off places, many times resulting in benefit (like gaining mini epiphanies) but sometimes, like tonight, resulting in time wasted and un-welcomed frustration.

Maybe it can be explained by the pin point focus that is necessary in my everyday work life. I need to make sure that I am addressing the right patient, reviewing the right bloods and completely focused when doing procedures. If one is not paying enough attention, a lot of easily prevented errors can occur and that could mean dire consequences for patients. And often doing 10 different things at the same time on the ward, it can be tough to maintain attention at an individual task. Not trying to give myself an excuse, but a lot of that focus at work can be tiring. And at home, it is a luxury to be exempt from that.

Probably there is a good balance between thinking straight and letting one's mind wander. I, for one, have yet to find such balance.