Quite recently, as we approached our 3 1/2 year mark, I asked A the question, "In your opinion, what is the most romantic public display of affection as a married couple?" Before he answered, I told him what I thought it was. I have long held the idea that holding hands is the most romantic gesture as a married couple. The simplicity of having your fingers intertwine with the one you love, to me, trumps hugs or stolen pecks on the cheek. As we pass many elderly couples on their walks around the city, I find it so beautiful that even after all that time, her hand is in his as they walk side by side, even despite sometimes their other hands are preoccupied holding walking aides.
It is also something about how the man leads his wife. I once held a theory that to identify who was the dominant figure in the relationship, one just had to observe how the couple held hands. The one whose hand lies in front of the union of fingers and palms (thus is the one who has more power to lead) wears the pants in the relationship. A and I once spent a day just observing how other couples held hands. Many of the hand holding were led by men, but some were led by women too. And as more of our friends got married, we would secretly theorise how their family dynamics would be by looking at their official married couple shots. Whose hands were holding whose? Goes to show how much free time we had. Needless to say, I have zero evidence to back up this theory - but it was a fun exercise anyway.
For A and I, he always leads our walks. His hand guides mine, representing not only the trust I have given him to navigate me through this complicated life, but also as a symbol of the promise he made to always protect me. As a quite head strong woman, it is also a humbling exercise to remind myself, that in this relationship, I ought not to be alpha - that I can be comfortable being the co-pilot and not the captain in our married lives. So in the end, when we are grey, old and walking at a slower pace, as long as my hand is in his, I will know that we are at the very least OK.
He nodded, acknowledging my answer as I waited for his. I could see the clogs slowly turning in his head. Eventually, he turned to me and said, "Probably being able to kiss you on your forehead." Upon hearing this, the many moments where this gesture occurred flashed through my mind. On the tube, at the traffic light or sometimes on a bench in the park. It is often associated with moments when I needed extra comforting. We would be stuck in the rain for instance, waiting for the traffic lights to turn red. I would moan about being drenched, and he would hold me tight and give me a kiss on my forehead. "Its ok we're almost there." Or when I was crying because of something menial, or because he had to leave the country for work, he would take me in his arms, and console me with the same kisses on the forehead.
Looking back, I realised that both of our chosen romantic gestures marked our actual first physical encounters with each other when we were first married. On that white stage, more than 3 years ago, after my dad had officially handed him his blessings of marriage and after he was officially named my husband, he took a seat next to me. He slipped a ring onto my finger and I unromantically placed a watch on his wrist. After that, we joined our hands and I bowed down to kiss his. Then, he brought my face closer to his and leaned in to kiss my forehead. Without being completely conscious of this, we both had separately chosen our favourites from the first physical manifestations of our lives as husband and wife - how beautiful that is, mashaAllah!
I pray that we never get tired of holding each others hands and giving and receiving kisses throughout our lives together. May He always protect this marriage, and the marriages of others. For only with His permission were we united in matrimony, and only by His permission, will we stay lovingly united. Ameen!
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