I had just turned 15 when I went to Thailand for a student exchange programme. I was part of a group of 10 students or so from my high school who went. It is there where I learnt about Buddhism and Thai culture. But more importantly, that trip was the beginning of my story with A. We have been in the same school for coming up to 3 years at that point – I knew of him, I heard his name being bounced around conversations, but I didn't know him personally. To me, he was known as the shy, quiet guy in the year above. Up until that trip, we haven’t really uttered a single word to one another. Not even a hello. But my best friend knew him from History Club (which he happened to be president of). And on one of the first days of us preparing for the trip, I looked around and saw all familiar faces except his. So I said to my best friend, “Can you introduce me to him, he is the only one in the group I don’t really know.” “Sure! He is really nice!” she replied. And as we walked together towards A, as they say in the books, I guess the rest is history.
It makes me shudder to think that I wasn’t really eager to go to Thailand in the first place. Where I really wanted to venture out to was Japan. My school was organising another trip at the same time. And this trip to Japan, unlike the decades old ritual of my school’s annual visit to Thailand, was in its first ever year. The catch was – I had to dance, and dance well. Despite my appreciation for dance and dancers, I have been gifted with long, lanky limbs that hold little coordination or rhythm. Coupled with my short torso, me dancing is akin to witnessing a jelly fish at sea.
There were open auditions held at the Grand Hall for the Japan trip. Anyone was invited to come up and strut their stuff for a coveted place. I did muster the courage to walk myself to the hall – but alas, only to the front door. Fear and anxiety of being seen on stage made me ultimately turn away and walk back. Although I wasn’t even in the running for a place as I was absent from auditions, when the list of names of those who were successful were finally published, I did still feel a tinge of disappointment and envy.
It would have been nice to go to Japan. Thailand was my Plan B.
But little did I know, it was actually God’s Plan A. The trip to Japan was never destined for me, because if I did go, I would have never met A, the man I was to marry 8 years later. God has planned my life with so much beauty and wisdom, that sometimes it overwhelms me by how much love I feel from Him. He has held my hand through every step I took throughout these 26 years, sometimes dragging me through doors when I was reluctantly kicking and screaming. But He persevered and He was patient with me, for only He knows what is best, mashaAllah. So as I have grown older, I have learnt to let go. I still treasure working hard, but at the same time, I have learnt to trust the process and to trust Him. I have learnt not to feel entitled to something just because I have worked for it. What is meant for me will never miss me, and what is not meant for me will never arrive to me.
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