My sister was dancing in her university's annual production of Malaysian Night yesterday. Arriving 10 minutes to its scheduled start, I met with my other family members before finding seats in the hall. The hall was filled with young faces, all of them very excited to be meeting up with friends and other Malaysians. As the space started to fill up quickly, I thought, "Are we really this great in number?" I even joked to my granduncle that if Malaysians stop coming to the UK for tertiary education, the country's economy will no doubt be in great threat.
As the play began and my sister strutted her stuff on stage, I reminisced back to the time where I was in their position 6 years ago. It was very unlike me to participate in anything that required me to act. Throughout all of primary and high school, I managed to dodge that bullet because of my crippling shyness. But because I was determined to make friends in my first year at university, I tried out for the minor part of the wise grandma. One scene, a few lines - how bad could it be? However, after a few rehearsals, I was confronted with the reality that I am not amongst those who can seamlessly and confidently take on another persona on stage. In fact, it was the complete opposite.
Instead of losing myself in a character, I would anxiously be hyperaware of my fraudulent self. I wasn't the character, I was myself playing the character. It was as if I was wearing a suit, and myself in the suit was struggling to navigate its restrictions. I couldn't project my voice and I struggled with loosing self control up to the night of curtain call. I just couldn't let go and just act.
But in the end, despite the steep learning curve, I survived the night and the performance. I didn't forget my lines or throw up on stage (thank God!), everything turned out to be just fine. I made many friends through the process as intended, and I was super thankful that the play was well received. But I vowed that I would never act, ever again. Different to my siblings who love performing and being in the spotlight, I have accepted and have become comfortable with the fact that my talents are best utilised backstage. As they bask under the rays of the solitary beacon of light, I am akin to a vampire who flinches (and possibly melts) under its glaring heat.
Yesterday also reminded me of how old I am turning. With my age quickly approaching thirty, most of the audience were just entering their twenties. The play included songs from High School Musical and Camp Rock, Disney productions that were popular in my teen years. But I guess for them, they were most likely pre-pubscent when the movies first found fame.
But anyway, it was nice to go back to my alma mater to see that things (other than songs) rarely change. Malaysian audiences are still rowdy and still obsessed with food from home. After many years living in abroad, it is nice to sometimes remind myself how great home is and how amazing Malaysians are.
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