156: 27.2 Being female

Today we had a simulated teaching session where a group of us doctors were asked to assess an ill "robot patient." It was an opportunity to make mistakes safely. Having been half asleep the whole morning, I had little energy to participate so I volunteered as scribe. The group of four who did volunteer were made up of 3 doctors and 1 physicians associate, all of whom were women. The mock patient had trouble breathing. Wheezy, hypotensive and gasping for breath - the patient was suffering from anaphylaxis and they needed to treat him quickly. Adrenaline was administered and IV fluids were given. But despite all that, the pretend patient went into cardiac arrest and CPR was started.

All four participants were diligently doing their job - but individually and silently. From the moment they stepped into the simulation, everyone struggled to lead the scenario. Important points were raised throughout: "Shall we check his glucose levels?", "Shall we call ITU? I think this patient will need airway support." and "Can you take over chest compressions from me, please?" - every statement, although accurate and necessary, were tossed into the void without any real authority or conviction. No one volunteered to take charge.

After discussing this with a colleague, I soon came to the realisation that that simulated session would be much different if there was a male doctor in the mix. I bet that without any hesitation, he would delegate tasks, take charge of examinations and lead the cardiac arrest with confidence. It is such a male thing to do. And unfortunately the opposite is true for women, it is our tendency to shy away and not appear to be authoritative or dare I say, bossy. Men shine in the limelight, whilst women more often than not, are more comfortable having more supportive roles in leadership. It is well known that while man think more highly of themselves, women tend to second guess their true abilities and are more reluctant at acknowledging praise.

This gender difference is even more apparent when on-call. The majority of nurses who are from womenfolk act differently to male doctors than they do to female doctors. For instance, on my last weekend on-call, my colleague who is a male doctor insisted that the nurses assist in taking blood samples from patients on their ward that have not been bled. At first, I was skeptical. I remember being the FY1 on-call and having to spend a large portion of my weekend being the hospital phlebotomist. I would try to convince these nurses to help me, but to my dismay, none of them did. "Oh, I am too busy, doctor. I have drugs to give." or "We are really short staffed here - if you want bloods, you have to do it!" would be some of the replies that I received. But to my surprise, when my colleague insisted, it actually worked! The ward nurses magically found time to help take majority of the bloods - and our workload instantly became significantly lighter.

Even in medical school, I would be joyful when being grouped with other girls on clinical placements. That meant that I didn't have to compete with the alpha tendencies that my male colleagues tend to possess. If there was an alpha male in the group, he would volunteer first for every patient examination, be very boisterous and attract most of the attention from our supervisors. Tired of competing with such dominant forces and shouting over their already prominent voices, I would give in and only speak when necessary.

Maybe it is not my gender that is the problem, but my own timid personality. But it is hard to ignore other evidences that support the contrary. For instance, the female consultants in my hospital, although ten times better clinicians than their male counterparts, just do not attract a crowd's attention as seamlessly as their other male colleagues do. They are focused, calm, soft spoken, intelligent and brilliant doctors. But it feels like they have to work twice or three times harder to prove themselves to be somewhat equal.

As a Muslim, a woman and a minority - I have many "reasons" to be treated disadvantageously. Yet, Alhamdulillah, I have never been reminded of my gender in the workplace. Yes, I have more trouble assuming a leader's role, but like many, I can work on my shortcomings. The bottom line is, at work, I receive the same treatment as my male colleagues. Unfortunately, I can't say that I haven't been reminded of my gender in other parts of my life. But that is a story for another day.