209: 10.5 Tick!

This is the customary photo I took in front of my first ever conference poster, Alhamdulillah. Being a doctor in the UK involves so much more work outside routine clinical care. To get ahead, everyone has to go the extra mile through doing audits, getting published in medical journals, presenting posters, conducting research, teaching medical students and assuming leadership roles in hospital. On top of all that, one also has to have time to study for professional exams (which one has to pay for, by the way!). 

Although I can't complain about the multifaceted aspect of my job (I love complexity), it does require me to be very organised. For instance, tick box projects that can take months to finish were thought of weeks before I started my job in hospital. And as you get more senior in this profession, the less time you have to involve yourself in extra-curricular activities. And as I am currently child-less, there is no time like the present to get shit done.

And because most speciality training programmes are quite competitive, doctors haven't the luxury to leave important life choices to the last minute without taking years out of training to "find yourself". For instance, as my heart is set on the rigorous life of being a future paediatrician, my CV has to reflect the commitment to that speciality throughout my years in medical school and work. And it is not enough to just say "I love paeds", you have to back it up with evidentiary support through certificates, feedback and projects. I have learnt long ago that if it wasn't on paper, it unfortunately means it didn't happen.

Sometimes it does feel a little soul destroying to constantly compete. I was discussing this with my other medical colleagues over dinner the other day and we all agreed that in medicine, there is always another staircase to climb. In medical education for instance, a clinical fellow can upgrade to become a professor followed by being programme director, then a dean. In leadership, a consultant is super seeded by a medical director, who is super seeded by a chief medical officer of the hospital, then the region, then the country. There is always room to improve and there is always something to climb. In the larger scheme of things, I am pretty much at the bottom, and looking up feels very daunting.

However, as scared as I feel, I also do welcome these challenges. All greats started somewhere, probably where I am standing right now, so bring it on, King Kong!

208: 9.5 Rays

A few weeks ago I ventured to Scotland solo. My first time since being a wife. I braved the four plus hour trip via train to Edinburgh to attend a conference. I was greeted with typical British weather on arrival where one minute it was sunny enough to get a tan on and the next it was like the Heavens opened unleashing floods of rain drops. I remember exiting my hostel with sunglasses and enroute to the conference centre, I was drenched holding my thankfully well packaged poster.

Between talks and workshops I would roam around the city without a map. Taking in the beautiful sights the city had to offer whilst walking on cobbled streets that are centuries old. Edinburgh has been elegantly preserved in time despite modernity. Especially when visiting the castle, a sight so grand, one cannot help but be in a state of awe upon seeing it after exiting the train station.

However, travelling without A was strange. I stayed at a pod hostel (like the ones found in Japan) where each traveller is given their own designated pod in the wall. It was comfortable enough given its reputation but amongst young, backpacking students, the isolation that I felt was easily palpable. As much as I treasure independence, I whole heartedly wished A was there to experience it with me. 

207: 8.5 Tomorrow

Tomorrow is Malaysia's 14th General Elections. Everyone will come out in droves to cast their vote for the party that they favour. The excitement and energy has been palpable in the last few months, even from many thousands of miles away. Every family dinner conversation has been littered with talk of politics and my social media feed has been flooded with political news or fake news (I can't really tell anymore). Even my WhatsApp has not been immune from its influence. I for one, am sick and tired of this toxic atmosphere - one that has pinned family member against family member, friend against friend, social media poster against random anonymous commenter. I am so relieved that in less than 24 hours, this will all be over.

Unlike many of my peers, I have chose not to participate in this election. I do believe in democracy - and I have voted in local elections in the UK previously. But in terms of GE14, I have come to the conclusion that all options are just not good enough. I dislike all the candidates that are running for the coveted Prime Minister role. Between a possible corrupt candidate and an ex prime minister who is inching towards being a centenarian who in his recent past life jailed his now comrade, the options are really not that great. If it was at all possible, I want both of them to lose - and lose badly.

Some might call my kind (the non voters) selfish, ignorant or irresponsible. Our ancestors fought for the right to vote and you are taking it for granted! To that, I say every vote is valuable. A vote needs to be earned, one needs to believe in the person or party whom one votes for. And this year, unfortunately, there is no option that is good enough - end of. "Vote for the less of two evils!" one might say. Possible, but no thank you. Does it mean that I am neglecting my civic duty? I would rather express my responsibilities throughout the years by giving back to my local community and nation, rather than expressing it once every five years because of peer pressure.

Maybe one day I will vote in Malaysia's General Election - when people talk more about policy than politics. But until that day comes, I exercise my right as a Malaysian citizen to abstain quietly and observe as the circus comes to a final close. So other Malaysians, I hand it over to you - accepting whatever decision that comes out of it. Heres hoping that on the day after tomorrow, we will be welcoming back some ounces of sanity, normality and peace.