059: The Food Life

In the 2 weeks awaiting my last paper, I have been spending my time in the kitchen concocting dishes, mainly desserts of course!

058: Why I Run

I started running relatively recently. It was in the summer of 2013 when I properly started running. I needed a sport that forced me out of my bedroom because prior to that I was doing yoga or workout videos which was good but I needed to feel my heart beating out of my chest. So I adopted running into my exercise regimen because it was the easiest sport to pick up. You don't need a gym membership. All you need are an optional pair of shoes and perseverance. So almost to a year since the start of my running experience, here are 5 reasons to why I run.

1.  It reminds me that I am alive

It is when I run that I feel my lungs gasping for air, my muscles yearning for oxygen and my heart thumping like a machine in need of oil. The first few runs were horrendous. Although in no stretch of the imagination was it a large feat (a couple of hundred metres), I could literally taste the blood in my mouth. Slowly but surely, my body caught up with my mind and I could run faster and for longer. Running reconnects me to the my body. Because it is (mostly) a solo sport, on runs you can't help but think how dependent you are physically. You are dependent on air, on food, on water to function. Sitting on a couch all day, you tend to forget the rhythm of your breathing matching up to the tempo of your heart. Running reminds me that there is more than bones and muscles to this body - there is life.

2. It introduces me to my cities

Ever since I got on a bike to cycle to school in London, I never saw the city the same. Before that, it was buses and tubes - but really, nothing feels as exploratory or vulnerable like being on a bike in the city. Its the same feeling I feel when exploring the city's small alleyways and secret nooks and crannies by foot. Whoever who knows me well would know that I love taking long walks. Basically, getting lost is my favourite thing to do and I do it often by consciously deciding to walk back from school instead of taking the bus from time to time. Running is just another means of exploring the life of the city. It is not like cycling because you don't have to share the road with other vehicles, nor is it like walking because you don't have time to stop and properly observe your surroundings. I feel running is akin to transforming your city into a playground. Pedestrians become your obstacles which you have to quickly dodge, streetlights become barriers and stairs are tests to get you to the next level. You will start appreciating little things like the steepness of Primrose Hill, London or the humidity of the air in Taman Tun, Kuala Lumpur. Or even how the pavement feels differently when you reach the Serpentine River in Hyde Park. The city says hello! in different ways every time.

3. It teaches me that nothing is truly impossible

When I was in high school, I was in no shape or form a runner. I was the one of the very last kids to show up at the finish line panting heavily after everyone else had loosened up their muscles after a race. I was bad at long distances, and worse at short distances. Basically, I was not made to be an athlete and for the longest time, I believed that to be true. Then, I started running on my own. And slowly, an easy 1k turned into an easy 5k and then to full fledged 10k races. If you were to tell the 15-year old me that I would finish a 10k in just above an hour, I would have told you that you were a crazy fool. But with the grace of God, I have.. twice! And the girl who would have collapsed after a 400m sprint back then, is the same girl who sprinted through the westminster mile race in 8.03 minutes. Running teaches you perseverance. You get what you give, with no special treatment. If you want something, running makes you earn it the hard way. No short cuts. This makes it that much more rewarding when you cross each finish line strong. The self-confidence you get from running will then spill over to other aspects of your life. If you can survive a marathon, I assure you that you will feel like you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

4. It gives me family

After a few months running solo, I joined the Run Dem Crew West in London. The first run was the best time I had in a long time. Running with people whose core belief is to not leave anyone behind - to be a family of runners, is a contagious environment to be in. I fed off their enthusiasm, their drive and their passion for running and the city. Very soon I was entrusted to lead as pace maker! But truthfully, I have never experienced anything like the We Own the Night Race held at Viccy Park in May 2014. Before the race, I trained with another group of runners, the Kyserun Krew. I ran with them in Malaysia, so a few of us trained together to make sure we were ready for the race. It was so good to have veteran runner, D'Ziq to help mentor us. When it came time for the race, we were ready. For me, the highlight of the race was not crossing the finish line, it was at checkpoints 3/7 km and 4/8km. At the first checkpoint, there was the Kyserun Krew family cheering us on. I got so excited seeing them there that I waved my long arms through the crowd of women and gave a couple of high fives! Then there were the extremely loud Run Dem family at the next checkpoint. Most of them do not know who I am but when I point out my gun fingers at them, they gave me the ear-piercing support I needed to finish the race. It was magical. The camaraderie I shared with both friends and total strangers through this sport gave me a high that was sustained for days after the race. Again, it was magical. And something that I want to experience over and over again.

5. It brings me closer to God

Although I have described running so far through a triumphant lens, I must admit that the process is hard. I felt this most during the Greenwich Park 10k where the last stretch involved climbing a hill so steep that you can see the top of that hill from the bottom. When everyone around you is stopping, what keeps you going? And it is at times like this that I reach out to a higher power to give me the strength which I could not generate on my own. So climbing that hill, I remember praying, "God, please give me the strength to finish." Over and over, I would replay this prayer in my head. Then, God answered by blowing a really strong gush of wind from behind me, pushing me forward and up the hill. It was as if God said to me, "Don't worry, I got you're back." It happened again during the We Own the Night race, and I am sure that that will not be the last time either. Running reminds me that through times of peril and weakness, seek God and He will support you. And in times of triumphant finishes, thank God for He has blessed you with strength in your legs, air in your lungs and most importantly the perseverance of your mind. In running, you never run alone. And that is why I run.

057: Five is a good number

Why today was a good day:

1. I woke up late

I had a really good dinner with my medic friends yesterday after a long overdue reunion then woke up in the early morning to spend time with God. It was like earth and sky - the night was full of stories and laughter, while the wee hours of the morning was still and serene. The perfect balance.

2. I met my first warlock 

Prior to this meeting I did watch a youtube video about witches and their faith. I didn't know that they existed before that video so meeting one was an experience! He talked about how in his faith, women are treasured, because they are the vessels to carry young ones. Because of women's capability of childbirth, they are in possession to practice magic. Mind blowing! Was so happy to meet so many different people here in London.

3. We found a castle!

On our walk back from Holborn, we went through Pall Mall and we found this! In my head, way before I stepped foot in London, I pictured castles looking like this. The differentiation factor is certainly the jagged square-like roofs. This particular castle is no longer a castle as its situated really close to Buckingham Palace. I would guess that it is a museum now, but I was excited to see it nonetheless!

4. Met up with my lovely neighbours in Hyde Park

The Flat 10ers and I are very blessed to have such lovely neighbours in Flat 9: Aidan, Patricia, Piera and Hui. We have exchanged dinners and desserts, shared bathrooms when our own is faulty and rescued each other from disconnected internet signals. We hosted a Malaysian dinner, and they hosted a vegetarian feast. In between borrowing tools, picking up post and exchanging presents, we have grown very close to them. We literally haven't seen each other since the exam season started. So seeing them was really nice! They haven't congratulated me (in person) since my engagement so I received big happy hugs from all of them. They are moving out too in the next months so we promised each other to have another get together soon. I am definitely going to miss them.

5. Met up with a random neighbour

Just a block away from reaching the house, we accidentally bumped into fellow Malaysians. I offered my salaam and we started talking. Her mother and herself happen to live on the street opposite ours! And she studies medicine too in the same university with my high school friend. Basically, small world. She invited us over whenever we miss Malaysian cooking so I will hold her to that promise!

Life is full of serendipitous moments, 

if only you take time to brave out of the house 

and wander around familiar and unfamiliar places once in a while.

056: Divine Dissertation

I just conquered the impossible. I had 5 hours of exams today - all of them essay based, and its done! Alhamdulillah :) By the last essay, my hand was so cramped it needed a good minute of shaking and stretching to restore enough blood flow for it to work. Well, it was around 17 pages of writing in a span of 2+3 hours. After I sent in my paper, I was in an instant trance. It was like my mind had shut down and my body had taken over - guiding me back home. I can't say how well (or badly) it went, but I am so relieved that its over. 2 down, 3 more to go!

More happy (nerdy) blessings to be thankful for: I sent in my dissertation a week ago! I have worked my ass off trying to coherently form an original argument of my own. Something new, something that no one has attempted before - comparing the works of Dali and Nietzsche; and forming my own take on epistemology. It was not easy, but boy did I (surprisingly) enjoy it! Maybe its because I thoroughly enjoyed what I was reading so it was honestly rewarding. The hard bit was, having been plucked out of science way out of the objective comfort zone, is not suppressing what I thought in favour of the ideas of other people. For once in my life I had to ask: What do I think? It was liberating, yes but it was confusing at the same time. Because I didn't know what I thought. Usually I just adopted the thoughts of others. But 2 months before the due date, an empty page on my screen was staring back at me and shouting, "Ayne, What do you think?" Thankfully, with God's grace, I pushed through and the result was my lovely dissertation.

I gave the first draft to my awesome supervisor, and the feedback was better than I could have ever imagined, Alhamdulillah. Really, I am in no position to receive such praise (or am I ever going to be used to any praises), so I came to a definite conclusion: My dissertation was divine intervention. Not my doing, full stop. So I am really really really grateful, for God has paved my way towards ease.

"Verily with hardship, there is relief."

(94:5)