I just conquered the impossible. I had 5 hours of exams today - all of them essay based, and its done! Alhamdulillah :) By the last essay, my hand was so cramped it needed a good minute of shaking and stretching to restore enough blood flow for it to work. Well, it was around 17 pages of writing in a span of 2+3 hours. After I sent in my paper, I was in an instant trance. It was like my mind had shut down and my body had taken over - guiding me back home. I can't say how well (or badly) it went, but I am so relieved that its over. 2 down, 3 more to go!
More happy (nerdy) blessings to be thankful for: I sent in my dissertation a week ago! I have worked my ass off trying to coherently form an original argument of my own. Something new, something that no one has attempted before - comparing the works of Dali and Nietzsche; and forming my own take on epistemology. It was not easy, but boy did I (surprisingly) enjoy it! Maybe its because I thoroughly enjoyed what I was reading so it was honestly rewarding. The hard bit was, having been plucked out of science way out of the objective comfort zone, is not suppressing what I thought in favour of the ideas of other people. For once in my life I had to ask: What do I think? It was liberating, yes but it was confusing at the same time. Because I didn't know what I thought. Usually I just adopted the thoughts of others. But 2 months before the due date, an empty page on my screen was staring back at me and shouting, "Ayne, What do you think?" Thankfully, with God's grace, I pushed through and the result was my lovely dissertation.
I gave the first draft to my awesome supervisor, and the feedback was better than I could have ever imagined, Alhamdulillah. Really, I am in no position to receive such praise (or am I ever going to be used to any praises), so I came to a definite conclusion: My dissertation was divine intervention. Not my doing, full stop. So I am really really really grateful, for God has paved my way towards ease.
"Verily with hardship, there is relief."
(94:5)
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