227: 25.4 I'm Not Special (Ramadan Reflections I)

It is quite strange to be in Ramadan during the COVID pandemic. All that we knew about the month and all that we associate with it has been abruptly upended. Everyone is advised to stay indoors and when out for essential activities, we are to keep a far distance away from each other. A far cry from the packed mosques with brothers and sisters praying tarawikh after breaking iftar together, sharing food - an atmosphere that we are unfortunately not granted this year. Whilst many acknowledge the wisdom of sticking to the rules, others in America are gathering in the thousands protesting the lockdown. As they shout, "I need a haircut, open up our city! The virus is a media scam!" I am left perplexed at how they seem to be completely unfazed by the fast increasing death tolls reported in their state and worldwide. Some people even had the audacity of proclaiming that those affected were already sick anyway - as if they were somehow magically protected from the wrath of the virus.

As ignorant as they seem, I think I too fell prey to the fallacy of self exceptionalism. When the pandemic first hit the world, it was reported as being far away in Wuhan, China. As if the logistical distance wasn't enough for me to dismiss this issues as "not my problem", the media initially kept reporting that only the old and those with co-morbidities were those dying from the disease. As the infection crept closer in proximity to our front door, I held on to the fact that I was young and healthy. I felt confident that if I got it, that I would be ok. Thankfully that turned out to be true - but as I finished my night shift last night, a baby who was admitted to our unit changed my perspective. The baby's mother who was younger than I am now had emergency C-section because she had to be admitted to ITU for her worsening symptoms secondary to coronavirus. The baby was born into this world alone - his mum intubated and his dad self-isolating at home. The only thought running through my mind was: that could have been me.

The recklessness of thinking I was strong enough or young enough to beat the disease was faced with a stark, unforgiving reality which made me question "Why her and not me? Why was I spared?" Scientists to this day still don't understand why some people fair worse than others. But what we do know is that the coronavirus hunts indiscriminately - irrespective of age, wealth, health, colour and gender. At the end of the day, flesh is flesh. In the eyes of the virus, we are all the same.

This pandemic has truly humbled me. I have learnt that no, I am not special - my body is as vulnerable to attack as anyone else's and it was truly only by the mercy of God that I was spared from a worse fate. The true question is: what am I going to do now with the health and time that I have?